The Tragic Deaths Of The XMen
by Sky Queen
Summary: AU: The White Queen, Iceman, Storm and Gambit die in humerous ways. Rating just to be safe.


Credits: Thanks to thought for her help with this thing.  
  
Disclaimer: These characters are **not a product of my imagination.  
  
Authors Note: I hope that you enjoy The Tragic Deaths of the X-Men. I wrote this story after living through what seemed like thousands of X-Men quotes from a friend. Please give feed back, however be kind, as this is my first X-Men story. *** This Saturday morning started like any other, for Remy. He dragged himself out of bed and holding onto the banister, slowly and sleepily slouched down the stairs. He was still tired from last night's drinking escapades.  
  
He reached the bottom of the stairs and stumbled into the kitchen. His plan was to give Ororo all the day's assignments. She was a good person to have around. He planned to ask her to mo the lawn, take the dog for a walk, polish his shoes, clean the whole entire house from top to bottom, clean his tool shed etc, while he went out and had a beer, (or several) with his buddies. He knew at five-thirty the next morning, when he drunkenly lurched into the house the back way, and passed out on the kitchen floor, that all he asked of Ororo would be done.  
  
On peering around the kitchen for about five minutes, for he was not the brightest crayon in the box, Remy finally reached the conclusion that Ororo wasn't there. It was then that he noticed a piece of paper lying on the table. He picked it up, adjusted his large, square glasses on his head, and slowly began trying to make out the note that Ororo had left for him. The note said this.  
  
Dear Remy: When you find this letter, I will already be gone. I finally realized, that you don't really love me. This breaks my heart. I wish that we could be together. But it is now clear to me that all you ever want to do is drink. So, this is what I must do. After I finish writing this, I will be on my way to the bridge over the Morganna River. Upon reaching it, I will throw myself off the bridge, and into the black cold depths below. This is all because I wanted you to love me. I wanted you to need me, for more than doing the house work while you go drinking. Screw you! I hope you regret this for the rest of your life. I do not love you anymore.  
  
Ororo  
  
It took ten minutes for Remy to comprehend what Ororo's letter meant. Once he realized what she had been telling him, for even alcoholics have feelings to, he collapsed on the floor, sobbing. He couldn't believe how much he had taken advantage of her. It was then that he heard a knock on the door. It was Emma, Bobby's girlfriend.  
  
"Hi Remy, is Ororo home?"  
  
She asked innocently, smiling broadly.  
  
It was at that point when Remy lost it. He ran back into the house, grabbing the Garret Anialator, the biggest bazooka known to man kind. He raised the Garret Anialator, took aim, and by some miracle managed to hit Emma. She fell to the ground, stone dead. In his exultation, Remy being the not so intelligent man he was, totally forgot about Ororo, or of the consequences that would come of killing Emma, the most powerful of all powerful.  
  
When he finally realized that he could be in serious trouble, he took Emma's body and chopped it into small pieces in the bathtub, so that he could wash away the bloody evidence. Then he got out his tools and went to work. He opened up a hole in the mortar of the basement wall. Then he quickly shoved the mutilated body of Emma inside and sealed the hole.  
  
There, he thought, all evidence gone, and they probably haven't even noticed she's missing yet.  
  
He had totally forgotten about his arrangement to meet his buddies so that they could go drinking, but he didn't care. For as time wore on, he began to feel more and more guilty. He should've treated Ororo nicer, and maybe he should've controlled his temper when Emma showed up.  
  
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He ran outside and waited. He knew that any time now, the fast-moving turtle would arrive. When it did, it seemed to be moving faster than ever. For at turtle at least. He took a deep breath, and threw himself in front of it. That breath was his last, and he lay perfectly still, until he was discovered the next morning, with turtle tracks all over his body.  
  
Now when Bobby found out about the disappearance of Emma, he didn't even question her where a bouts. He was overjoyed. Now he could look for a new, less up-tight woman! He formulated a plan. He collected her life insurance as fast as he could, for Emma had not reappeared for several days, and was now thought to be dead. With that money, and there was a lot of it, Bobby was off to Hawaii to check out all the babes in thong bathing suits on the beaches.  
  
Unfortunately, his 'innocent' trip to Hawaii ended in tragedy. As he was walking along the beach, in his glory staring at all the girls in thong bathing suits, and even drooling over some of the men, he was struck on the head and killed by a coconut, falling from a tree.  
  
There now, is the tragic ending to the lives of four of the most important X-Men. Hurray! 


End file.
